porn addiction is real. please stop consuming this product of devil.
porn addiction is real. please stop consuming this product of devil.
It was around 2 pm and I was stressed so much because of some real life problems. First of all I was doing nothing to solve the problem and wasting my time surfing the web to forget😐 about my problems. Something some people do time to time right?
Anyways, the problem is not being too lazy or procascinating or anything like that. Problem is that me, a porn addict, using my drug to not only masturbate or to do some sexual thing but to escape from stressful reality. By looking from this perspective it really sounds like a drug and it disgusts me. How could I use such a thing to do such things? I felt like a sub-human when I realised that. I have not only a porn addiction problem but also a literal drug problem too.
I was exposed to porn at a very early age (and I mean "really" early age) and it got me sucked in to the dirty side of the web quickly. I probably got shocked by it at first then I started to feel a need, an urge to consume it. This is where things actually started. I was consuming porn when I was a kid. Porn industry's years of plannings on making people (people, especially children) a porn addict had succeded on me. They had got me.
Things started to develop way quickly then you can imagine after some point (i was in early years of puberty when things got accelerated) I was using porn regularly (Okay so there are some people talking about how "it's ACTUALLY VERY NORMAL for teenagers to consume porn and jerk of all day hahaha! silly kids these days huh..." dude, porn ripped the soul out of me what the fuck are you talking about? yes its normal for teenagers to feel horny but consuming porn is something different. Normalising consumption of porn is just evil.) back to what I was talking about, as I was using porn regularly I started to look up for some more shocking things, fetish kind of things and more because normal porn was way normal and boring for me. I don't want to talk about the details here but this is where I slipped into very disgusting and immoral fetishes. As I am the consumer here, it doesn't disgust me but I do know that what I have consumed was DISGUSTING and INHUMANE for normal people.
Fast forward to last week, years of porn consumption had made me resistant to almost any type of shocking kinds of porn, I needed to consume them in fact. Anyway, so the last week was a bit stressful as I said and I consumed a little bit of porn. AND HOLY... The porn was an instant stress reliever, that feel of relief was something different, like it was so instant that I felt the chemicals my brain released. It was like cocaine in the films. I started to consume it once again just like for the past god knows how many years. Focus wasn't even me masturbating or anything like that. Goal was consuming porn and I was doing it, professionally. This consumption process lasted for about 5 hours or more and I was brain dead at the end. I overdosed porn and it was so intense I had lost my ability to think straight afterwards.
Later that evening this is when seriousness of the situation hit me in the face. I was using porn just like a drug addict doing drugs. I was same as a drug addict. I was a drug addict in fact. I thought about what I could have done if I put half of the effort I put in to (watching, downloading, searching, archiving etc...) porn. It would be way much different for sure. Thats for sure...
As I said, porn ripped the soul out of me. It torn away my emotions, my abilities, my time, my relationships, my perspective on life. It had stole so many things from me. I feel like I have been used since my childhood, I made them money, they served me more porn. I feel like I have been used and thrown away. Well, I'm not thrown away for them since I'm stil consuming this evil media from time to time but... I don't know. I really don't know. I may be making porn responsible for the bad things happening in my real life but on the other hand maybe these bad things wouldn't even be there if I wasn't a porn addict at the first place. While I'm making porn responsible I also feel like I'm just being lazy and blaming something else and not myself... Should I even blame myself? Should I blame myself for being exposed to porn? Should I blame myself for consuming it for years mindlessly knowing it's actually a very dangerous kind of media?